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A study published in 2006 in the Annals of Internal Medicine indicated that nearly 10% of men in New York City who were surveyed and were identified as straight had sex exclusively with men, and nearly 10% of married men had experienced sex with another man in the preceding year. These figures suggest that about 3% of men have sex with men although they do not identify themselves as gay.
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In Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire, Lisa Diamond, PhD, wrote that the gender of women’s sexual desire may be fluid, but researchers generally agree that men’s homosexual attractions never change and may grow stronger over time.Īccording to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 7% of men have sex with men, but gay men are estimated to comprise about 4% of the population. These men believe they are too straight to be gay, but others see them as too gay to be straight. Yet almost nothing has been written about men who have sex with men (MSM). Research on gay men has frequently focused on fidelity and the capacity to sustain long-term relationships. Shortly before I came out to my wife, she had no idea about my conflict concerning my sexual orientation. My wife and I were best friends and had an acceptable sex life. Things suddenly shifted inside my head, and I went from thinking I was straight to knowing I was gay nothing else could explain what I felt.īy most measures, my marriage was good. I know something about breaking rules because I was married with two children when I unexpectedly fell in love with a man. Sexual infidelity is the epitome of “rule breaking” and can disrupt or end meaningful relationships. When the rules are violated, the wrongdoer may be called on to account for his or her behavior.
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When we are in a relationship, we expect that our partner will keep our interests in mind even if he or she is tempted to disregard the rules. Note: “McInturff, Steve Book, Delaware O.Infidelity and Forgiveness: The Complexities of Coming Out in a Straight RelationshipĪll relationships have rules, but sometimes those rules get broken. Photo strip, undated, 35 x 27 mm, provenance: US, (image courtesy of the Nini-Treadwell Collection © “Loving” by 5 Continents Editions) Photograph, 1951, 121 x 83 mm, note: “1951” “Davis & J.C.” (image courtesy of the Nini-Treadwell Collection © “Loving” by 5 Continents Editions) Photograph, Undated, 96 x 67 mm (image courtesy of the Nini-Treadwell Collection © “Loving” by 5 Continents Editions) Cabinet card, circa 1880, 167 x 109 mm, provenance: US, The book, Loving: A Photographic History of Men in Love 1850s-1950s (5 Continents Editions), is available online. When we see them as connected, we feel more whole, and that’s what love is about for many of us anyway. Seeing ourselves in the past is as much about being certain of our present and, dare I say, our future. What do images of men in love during a time when it was illegal tell us? What are we looking for in the faces of these people who dared to challenge the mores of their time to seek solace together? Flipping through the book, it wasn’t that I felt that I learned a great deal about being LGBTQ, but what gave me comfort was the feeling that we’re not going anywhere. While the majority of the images hail from the United States and are of predominantly white men, there are images from Australia, Bulgaria, Canada, Croatia, France, Germany, Japan, Latvia, and the United Kingdom among the cache. The collection belongs to Hugh Nini and Neal Treadwell, a married couple who has accumulated over 2,800 photographs of “men in love” during the course of two decades. In Loving: A Photographic History of Men in Love 1850s–1950s, hundreds of images tell the story of love and affection between men, with some clearly in love and others hinting at more than just friendship. Hunter” (image courtesy of the Nini-Treadwell Collection © “Loving” by 5 Continents Editions)Ī beautiful group of photographs that spans a century (1850–1950) is part of a new book that offers a visual glimpse of what life may have been like for those men, who went against the law to find love in one another’s arms. Postcard, circa 1910, 90 x 141 mm, note on front: “E.